The title of this post is actually pretty self explanatory, I basically want to share how I knew my father passed away 5 years ago. So if you would like to know the story please read until the end. Pardon the mistakes, it's not easy to share this story.
********************
That was the start of it all.
I saw a relative/family friend (basically a person who have known our family for a very long time and through many different situations but not blood related) updated their BBM status with "Get well soon Opo."
I somehow knew and felt that the "Opo" they meant was my dad, although Opo is actually a general term for men in Sangir. So I decided to go to their profile and looked at their status update history. And there was a profile picture update. The picture was a man lying on the hospital bed with tubes and a lot of medical equipments around him. The room looked a lot like an ICU. But because they changed their profile picture already, I couldn't see the picture properly so I just prayed and prayed so hard asking God to tell me that that man wasn't my dad.
Finally the next day came. My statistics exam was in the morning. I really wanted to ace that exam but at the same was worried about the status our family friend made. Then my mom texted me and she said, "do you want to come home this month?" I thought, "yes, I am planning to come home. plus I have several days of holiday and I want to spend my birthday at home." And she replied, "ok, please come home then."
At that moment I feel weird. All feelings came together as one, sad, happy, anxious, curious. Everything. But I knew I needed to focus on my exam so I tried to focus on it again. Until finally my mom called me just as I arrived in my campus. I was still at the parking lot, I stopped walking when my mom called. She asked me again if I was coming home, and I said I will. But everytime I asked why, she just said, nothing, just come home ya. I can tell from her voice thoughthat something was wrong and I felt frightened. Very frightened. I cried there, but I tried to remain silent because I knew I needed to appear strong in front of my mom.
It was finally exam time. I was very very confused I couldn't focus on my exam. I sat on the wrong seat number twice. I wasn't sure if I was doing the test right. All I wanted to do was just end it and go home soon. Once the exam ended, I went back to my dorm. And not long after that my aunt called me...
She said she's coming to pick me up and my sister so just get my bags packed. I became even weaker that time. She didn't say anything. So I packed my bags and went to my sister's place to pick her up with my aunt. She said that our flight will be at night so meanwhile we will be picking up our grandma who was taking her regular liver treatment in Mampang.
I don't remember exactly what time but after picking our grandparents we headed straight to the airport. There were 6 of us in the car I think. My aunt, my uncle, both my grandpa and grandma, and my sister and I sitting in the back. My feelings were more unexplainable. So I decided to distract my thoughts and played with my phone...
What was funny was that out of all the apps that I could open, I felt the urge to open Facebook. Yes Facebook. Nothing weird happened for the first few minutes. I scrolled scrolled scrolled when suddenly a messenger chat popped out.
It was from the daughter of my dad's friend, whom I have only met once. ONCE. In the chat she said... "kak, papa kakak meninggal ya? kata papaku. papa kakak meninggal :( turut berduka ya kak. semoga keluarga diberikan kekuatan" which translates to "sis.. did your father passed away? my dad said. your father passed away. deep condolences and may the family have the strength to go through it."
I was mad. I was
And decided to again distract my thoughts to another thing. To twitter.
And there I found another status update from a family friend whom my family has trusted a lot. It said...
RIP Om Marthin
That moment. Right at that moment. I became furious. I screamed and threw my phone. As much as I don't want to believe what I just read, it was undeniable, especially coming from a person who is really close to my family.
I screamed and flipped out. My aunt then started crying too and asked my sister to hold me. I was mad. I was sad. I was disappointed. I was weak.
That night, February 14th 2013, my dad passed away.
********************
What I want to share about this experience is that we should really be careful when conveying our condolences or sympathy messages through social media. I have never been a fan of people who convey these messages through social media and if I ever did, hopefully that is the last time.
Why? First, you may not know if the family already heard the news or not. In my case, I haven't heard the news from any immediate family member. I mean imagine just what if... you got the news wrong? I think that that is a very fatal thing. If that actually happened to me, I may not be able to forgive that person. At least that would be my response as for now. Second, it's disrespectful and inconsiderate. No matter how close you are to a certain family, I think it's best if the immediate family members shares the news first. Or at least, get their permission to share the news before you do it. Third, since this is a very personal matter, it's much better to express it in a private platform too. I feel like it is more humane.
********************
In the first two years after my dad passed away, I never wanted to talk about my dad. Everytime people ask me how do I feel, I always refused to answer. It was still very hard for me to accept his passing away. But as time goes by, I learnt that everyone will face the same situation, and whether we like it or not, we need to move on. Not to forget our loved ones, but to not remain in despair and ruin ourself.
Each year, February 14th is never an easy day to go through. But I always remind myself, that my dad is in a much better place. And I am proud, so very proud, to be his daughter, for he has finished his race and he did great.
I love you papa.
Your Onjer,
F
Instagram • Twitter
0 comments