#5 How I Knew My Father Passed Away

It's February 14th again and it's been 5 years since my dad passed away. Usually I write love letters to him, telling stories of how we are doing so far. But this time I wanted to share something that maybe a lot of people didn't know about.

The title of this post is actually pretty self explanatory, I basically want to share how I knew my father passed away 5 years ago. So if you would like to know the story please read until the end. Pardon the mistakes, it's not easy to share this story.


It was February 2013, I was in the middle of my midterm exams and only a few days before my birthday. Then on February 13th I remember that that day my mobile data was off and so I wasn't connected to my BBM and that day also my friend and I already made an appointment to study together for our Statistics on Feb 14th. While studying I somehow couldn't focus and had this urge inside that tells me to buy mobile data package. And so I did.

That was the start of it all.

I saw a relative/family friend (basically a person who have known our family for a very long time and through many different situations but not blood related) updated their BBM status with "Get well soon Opo."

I somehow knew and felt that the "Opo" they meant was my dad, although Opo is actually a general term for men in Sangir. So I decided to go to their profile and looked at their status update history. And there was a profile picture update. The picture was a man lying on the hospital bed with tubes and a lot of medical equipments around him. The room looked a lot like an ICU. But because they changed their profile picture already, I couldn't see the picture properly so I just prayed and prayed so hard asking God to tell me that that man wasn't my dad.

Finally the next day came. My statistics exam was in the morning. I really wanted to ace that exam but at the same was worried about the status our family friend made. Then my mom texted me and she said, "do you want to come home this month?" I thought, "yes, I am planning to come home. plus I have several days of holiday and I want to spend my birthday at home." And she replied, "ok, please come home then."

At that moment I feel weird. All feelings came together as one, sad, happy, anxious, curious. Everything. But I knew I needed to focus on my exam so I tried to focus on it again. Until finally my mom called me just as I arrived in my campus. I was still at the parking lot, I stopped walking when my mom called. She asked me again if I was coming home, and I said I will. But everytime I asked why, she just said, nothing, just come home ya. I can tell from her voice thoughthat something was wrong and I felt frightened. Very frightened. I cried there, but I tried to remain silent because I knew I needed to appear strong in front of my mom.

It was finally exam time. I was very very confused I couldn't focus on my exam. I sat on the wrong seat number twice. I wasn't sure if I was doing the test right. All I wanted to do was just end it and go home soon. Once the exam ended, I went back to my dorm. And not long after that my aunt called me...

She said she's coming to pick me up and my sister so just get my bags packed. I became even weaker that time. She didn't say anything. So I packed my bags and went to my sister's place to pick her up with my aunt. She said that our flight will be at night so meanwhile we will be picking up our grandma who was taking her regular liver treatment in Mampang.

I don't remember exactly what time but after picking our grandparents we headed straight to the airport. There were 6 of us in the car I think. My aunt, my uncle, both my grandpa and grandma, and my sister and I sitting in the back. My feelings were more unexplainable. So I decided to distract my thoughts and played with my phone...

What was funny was that out of all the apps that I could open, I felt the urge to open Facebook. Yes Facebook. Nothing weird happened for the first few minutes. I scrolled scrolled scrolled when suddenly a messenger chat popped out.

It was from the daughter of my dad's friend, whom I have only met once. ONCE. In the chat she said... "kak, papa kakak meninggal ya? kata papaku. papa kakak meninggal :( turut berduka ya kak. semoga keluarga diberikan kekuatan" which translates to "sis.. did your father passed away? my dad said. your father passed away. deep condolences and may the family have the strength to go through it."

I was mad. I was fucking mad. I felt like it was disrespectful and very very inconsiderate. So I didn't reply.

And decided to again distract my thoughts to another thing. To twitter.

And there I found another status update from a family friend whom my family has trusted a lot. It said...

RIP Om Marthin

That moment. Right at that moment. I became furious. I screamed and threw my phone. As much as I don't want to believe what I just read, it was undeniable, especially coming from a person who is really close to my family.

I screamed and flipped out. My aunt then started crying too and asked my sister to hold me. I was mad. I was sad. I was disappointed. I was weak.

That night, February 14th 2013, my dad passed away.


What I want to share about this experience is that we should really be careful when conveying our condolences or sympathy messages through social media. I have never been a fan of people who convey these messages through social media and if I ever did, hopefully that is the last time.

Why? First, you may not know if the family already heard the news or not. In my case, I haven't heard the news from any immediate family member. I mean imagine just what if... you got the news wrong? I think that that is a very fatal thing. If that actually happened to me, I may not be able to forgive that person. At least that would be my response as for now. Second, it's disrespectful and inconsiderate. No matter how close you are to a certain family, I think it's best if the immediate family members shares the news first. Or at least, get their permission to share the news before you do it. Third, since this is a very personal matter, it's much better to express it in a private platform too. I feel like it is more humane.


In the first two years after my dad passed away, I never wanted to talk about my dad. Everytime people ask me how do I feel, I always refused to answer. It was still very hard for me to accept his passing away. But as time goes by, I learnt that everyone will face the same situation, and whether we like it or not, we need to move on. Not to forget our loved ones, but to not remain in despair and ruin ourself.

Each year, February 14th is never an easy day to go through. But I always remind myself, that my dad is in a much better place. And I am proud, so very proud, to be his daughter, for he has finished his race and he did great.

I love you papa.

Your Onjer,

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Good lcuk Tokopedia!

As a new chapter emerges, another has to end.
So is my journey with Tokopedia.

Yes, it has been a month since I left my job in Tokopedia as an Executive Assistant. Unbelievable because it seriously feels like it was only yesterday that I handed in my resignation letter and it is definitely not an easy decision to take. The reason why it probably took me this long to finally talk about it is because until my last day and even after a few weeks, I was still asking myself if it was the right thing to do.

I started joining this company when there were less than 300 Nakama - how we call employees in Tokopedia. One year went by and we had around 600 Nakama. Suddenly, in under two years, we already have more than a thousand Nakama, all working in the same city, in the same building. Back then I would know each and everyone's name, I would greet them whenever we pass in the corridors, and I could even talk to anyone who's at the pantry. We were that small. Now, every time someone comes up to me, I would have to ask them first who they are and which team they are from.

Two years might seem like a short time. But working in Tokopedia and especially as an Executive Assistant, I have learnt a lot! Branding, Event Organizing, Product Design, Customer Service, Accounting, Finance, Facility Management. The list goes on. Which makes Tokopedia a great place to learn actually.

However I am a firm believer of this specific verse
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
Ecclesiastes 3:1
And I think that this is the right time for me to graduate from Tokopedia.

I thank Pak William for being an inspiring CEO. God must've specifically chosen you to be the CEO of Tokopedia because of your perseverance, persistence, hard work, and in-depth and broad mindset. During my interview, I was asked what was my expectation of Tokopedia and I answered that I wanted to be inspired. And although maybe other expectations weren't met yet, but I surely met my main expectation which was to get inspired. Also thank you for the trust you have given me for the past two years. I apologize if I ever mess up your schedule or tire you with the endless meetings ✌🏼

I thank all the great chiefs and leaders of Tokopedia who have taught many different things from different aspects of the company. I most certainly enjoyed our formal and casual discussion. It may seem like unimportant topics, but believe me, each discussion have fueled my brain with more knowledge to step into the next world of career.

My next gratitude would definitely go to the People Department of Tokopedia, the department who accepts me as a part of their team although I rarely work very closely with. You guys are... beyond incredible. Especially the Recruitment team. Although you guys know annoy me sometimes, I am still thankful for your presence in my Tokopedia life journey. You guys are amazing and definitely strong women who cares more for others than yourself. Gotta love your goodbye notes btw! Hahaha

Next in line are the TopAmbassador coaches. You guys are true inspiration to the TopAmbassadors. Although we are in different companies now, hopefully we keep in touch no matter where we are! Ko Oei - sukses di tempat baru. Acun - jangan lupa undang gw pas nikah. Andre - kurang-kurangin pulang malem yah, kata nenek itu berbahaya. Fani - sabar-sabar yah setim sama Acun, semoga setelah nikah dia jadi lebih waras. Ka Nisa, Ala, Dhea! Mari kita karaoke lagi gengs!

Also to my fellow Nakama Academy Batch 3 fellas. In the beginning there were around 35 of us, but slowly one by one each of us started waving goodbye to Tokopedia. But don't worry, even though I am out of Tokopedia now, I'll make sure we still have our yearly dinner! Maybe it will be a reunion next year :D

My 2017 Halloween Team! You guys rock! I seriously don't know how to pull off a super cool halloween party for Tokopedia without all of you guys. Within a short amount of time you guys are able to squeeze out all of your creativity and deliver what is hopefully a remarkable Halloween party for our Nakama - with all the limitations we had being the first company-wide event in our building!

And all the other people who are close to my heart, you know who you are. Truly Tokopedia has become more than a workplace for me. But at the end of the day I still have to say and goodbye. And again I will say thank you thank you thank you to all Nakama of Tokopedia. I definitely can't do my job as an EA properly without all your support! And good lcuk Tokopedia. Be the pride of Indonesia.

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Malachi 3:10 New International Version (NIV)

10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. 

Lately I've been trying to stay obedient in giving back tithe, no matter what my financial situation is. And amazingly, God provides for me more than ever through this obedience. Somehow, each day, His provision is always there for me. Now I truly believe that whenever we are obedient to His words, He will manifest His work in ways we have not yet imagined before.

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